What it is I have to worry about

What it is I have to worry about is based on these facts: in the past I have been physically compelled to be injected. The first time in November 1980 six or seven men held me while I was injected. The effect of that injection and of subsequent injections and orally administered medication was and has been to subdue my vigour in resisting what I do not want, that is antipsychotic medication. On the other hand I have never been so ‘vigorous’ as to offer physical resistance (except trying to escape and run away, if that can be called physical). Once I am in the routine of having such medication then - and, as I say, I know from experience that force can be used (it is allowed by law) to compel me - I cease to have vigour to resist or even to complain, depending on dosages. The worst scenario is if the dosage initially administered (when I am compelled) is low, so that I have less motivation to resist and complain even though I am then more capable and it would be better for me if I did so. This was what happened in 1987. If the dosage is then gradually stepped up, I become less and less able to make my case even while the effects of the medication are getting worse and worse. This is - has been - a sort of entrapment and I offer it as an explanation for my terror of any amount of antipsychotic drug.