17/07/08 04:46 [Thursday]
A condition I might describe as over-excitement now as I get going regarding my business for the day is almost certainly due to stimulant drugs still in my metabolism from yesterday, rather than due to any substances in the cup of coffee I drank getting on for an hour ago.
17/07/08 05:13
It strikes me that in the note I have inserted into yesterday’s diary as Thursday 17/07/08 03:18 I was too extravagant in my suppositions (made so by stimulant drugs which in the past hour or two have worn off more). All there is pretty firm evidence of is the capability to interfere by wireless with USB-connected peripherals, and possibly only through the USB ports at the rear of the DIXONSXP tower unit. I still find this hypothesis slightly more convincing than that Dawn and I were taken advantage of by hypnosis on returning home yesterday evening and the preceding evening.
Because I feel fairly certain the drugs affecting me now were not introduced by such advantage-taking on our return home yesterday evening but were in the milk earlier, and possibly at the time it was bought from Morrisons Wellington (Shropshire), it may be that the drugs I was objecting to yesterday (Wednesday) early morning were also not introduced on our return home Tuesday night but rather were in drinks or food we bought that day. The most sensible choice of villain to point the finger at, given what has happened in the past and the fact that the railways are more or less once again under State control, is the enterprising Pumpkin railway station buffet chain.
Although Morrisons is far and away superior to the likes of Tesco, if we only shop at Morrisons then when we are on our way to some perhaps remote destination it can be presumed well in advance that we are going to do our shopping at the Morrisons there. Hence some randomisation giving favour to Sainsbury’s or Asda (or Waitrose, Iceland or Spar, or even Lidl or Heron, but not under any circumstances Tesco) will be desirable.
What I have against Tesco is that the day I had my appointment with solicitors Rose, Williams & Partners of 2 Waterloo Road Wolverhampton to try to get the facts of the abuse done to me over twenty-five years put before Solihull Magistrates, Tesco sold me food or drink containing antischizophrenic drugs to still me and reduce my acuity.
Spawn of Satan I now number three:
(1) Armond
(2) Those running drugs factories
(3) Tesco.
17/07/08 06:37
However ‘psychological theorists’ like to dress it up to increase their seeming value as experts, confidence is feeling sure what to do, that is it is absence of doubt. The best way to theorise of it is in the terms I use, of processing capacity set against the processing requirement. If you can think clearly (and quickly) enough to know what to do in a given situation - a more, or less, demanding situation, that is demanding of ‘decision-making’ and in a loose sense ‘stressful’ - you feel confident. If you are uncertain and there is delay while you hum and hah and try to make up your mind, then that is unconfidence. It has little to do with surface appearance.
In respect of the latter too, I find that if people can see you know what you’re about and understand the ins and outs of it, and particularly if you can use that knowledge and understanding to help them (which is easy if it costs you next to nothing in distraction from what you are doing anyway), then even if you look a complete buffoon they like it and give you a high approval rating.
I think there’s something in the coffee. It may be caffeine.
17/07/08 06:54
The again rather Socialist idea that ‘psychological theorists’ seem to have, that anyone can do anything, is (as I think I have said before) mistaken. Most people however much they practised and read and otherwise garnered advice could not play tennis to the standard of say John McEnroe. The reason is McEnroe had certain components in him (still does I suppose although somewhat altered by time) - that is components in the physical universe, comprising not only things like muscle fibre but more significantly neurons and synapses in the relevant parts of his CNS (and particularly, large numbers of synapses, eg serving the retina), which on average people do not have. Such is confidence: to have large numbers of synapses serving that in which one’s confidence is well-founded (rather than brash and specious, like that suggested frequently by ‘psychological theorists’).
I must say it is a good Capitalist notion, that each component has a different - a complementary - part to play in division-of-labour arrangements. Some neurons are better suited to responding to light while others do better at causing muscles to contract. Some of them though towards the front are very flexible and can do all sorts of things, switchably (not at the same time but in a multiplexing mode).
Caffeine is good stuff.
Thursday 17 July 2008
Tuesday 15 July 2008
Thursday 10 July 2008
10/07/08 04:33 [Thursday]
The structures of thought I am speaking of were maintained over a long period in the above cases and in similar cases, that is they were capable of being set aside for the purpose of leading a day-to-day life but were always ‘in the back’ of the mind and resumable in the more detailed form as occasion allowed. This was a prerequisite to sorting out such involved structures into the coherence (that is, having entire internal consistency within themselves) which made them acceptable on public presentation and indeed gives confidence they are ‘correct’ that is that, insofar as they are supposed to, they correspond with reality.
These structures of thought were embodied in neural structures in the brains of their creators of the type I have recently been mooting as depending on neural-loop style arrangements. This type of semi-permanent memory is used to set up internal models for such purposes as (in adolescence) answering examination questions and (in more practical life) maintaining an internal plan of one’s location as one moves about even in unknown territory. The arrangements which permit their maintenance depend on transmission across synapses of dopamine as I know because they are defeated in myself when I am given dopamine-blocking drugs. For example I completely lose my ability to maintain the internal plan of my geographical location at any time I am in less familiar territory.
Needless to say these neural structures are located in the frontal brain in man and come into use only from the time of adolescence. They are present in only a rudimentary form if at all in other animals (for example it is possible apes have them in rudimentary form). It seems to me that the functions called seriatim functions must correspond with those implemented using these structures of resumable semi-permanently remembered internally envisaged models of parts of the world (or as-if of parts of the world, in that the models can be used for abstract purposes such as in mathematics and chess when they are divorced from immediate connection with any structures in the physical universe, of tangible matter or time or space).
Experiments with rats trained in conventional mazes which were then converted to mazes of canals having to be swum convinced theoreticians who had previously hypothesised that learning a maze involved merely learning a sequence of muscular operations which got the animal from start to finish, that it was not so and that the rats in fact must have an internal model of spatial arrangements. Needless to say rats achieve this without a seriatim process.
An adult human being could learn a maze - walked or swum - much faster, the reason being he could set up an internal model ‘by an effort of will’, a model which (consisting of the type of neural structure spoken of above) could be discarded afterwards if no longer needed. Giving dopamine-blocking drugs would interfere with this ability, reducing the human to needing like the rat to practise sufficiently often over a sufficient period, to embody the knowledge of the maze in synapses which had permanently adapted to form a model of that specific maze.
Needless to say I strive my best to evade being given dopamine-blocking drugs because I dislike in the extreme having the ability taken from me to form such semi-permanent models of the world and its parts. I find it a matter for bitter regret that developers of these drugs, as well as those prescribing them in practice, have not taken sufficient care to determine adequately this effect they have. I find it very difficult to believe that anyone treated with these drugs will not suffer the debilitation I am speaking of. In practical terms the debilitation I have suffered of this nature over the years, given the unusual circumstances of the foisting on me of the drugs, has led to my not being employed in any capacity I would otherwise have been fit for and might have benefited from (as well as benefiting the economy). I regret the legal framework which permits such drugs to be compelled on people in disregard of their attempts to complain when they cannot understand (I myself have not until now) what the nature is of the debilitation they have to complain about. I regret any legal framework allowing people’s freedom to be taken from them without absolute need.
The structures of thought I am speaking of were maintained over a long period in the above cases and in similar cases, that is they were capable of being set aside for the purpose of leading a day-to-day life but were always ‘in the back’ of the mind and resumable in the more detailed form as occasion allowed. This was a prerequisite to sorting out such involved structures into the coherence (that is, having entire internal consistency within themselves) which made them acceptable on public presentation and indeed gives confidence they are ‘correct’ that is that, insofar as they are supposed to, they correspond with reality.
These structures of thought were embodied in neural structures in the brains of their creators of the type I have recently been mooting as depending on neural-loop style arrangements. This type of semi-permanent memory is used to set up internal models for such purposes as (in adolescence) answering examination questions and (in more practical life) maintaining an internal plan of one’s location as one moves about even in unknown territory. The arrangements which permit their maintenance depend on transmission across synapses of dopamine as I know because they are defeated in myself when I am given dopamine-blocking drugs. For example I completely lose my ability to maintain the internal plan of my geographical location at any time I am in less familiar territory.
Needless to say these neural structures are located in the frontal brain in man and come into use only from the time of adolescence. They are present in only a rudimentary form if at all in other animals (for example it is possible apes have them in rudimentary form). It seems to me that the functions called seriatim functions must correspond with those implemented using these structures of resumable semi-permanently remembered internally envisaged models of parts of the world (or as-if of parts of the world, in that the models can be used for abstract purposes such as in mathematics and chess when they are divorced from immediate connection with any structures in the physical universe, of tangible matter or time or space).
Experiments with rats trained in conventional mazes which were then converted to mazes of canals having to be swum convinced theoreticians who had previously hypothesised that learning a maze involved merely learning a sequence of muscular operations which got the animal from start to finish, that it was not so and that the rats in fact must have an internal model of spatial arrangements. Needless to say rats achieve this without a seriatim process.
An adult human being could learn a maze - walked or swum - much faster, the reason being he could set up an internal model ‘by an effort of will’, a model which (consisting of the type of neural structure spoken of above) could be discarded afterwards if no longer needed. Giving dopamine-blocking drugs would interfere with this ability, reducing the human to needing like the rat to practise sufficiently often over a sufficient period, to embody the knowledge of the maze in synapses which had permanently adapted to form a model of that specific maze.
Needless to say I strive my best to evade being given dopamine-blocking drugs because I dislike in the extreme having the ability taken from me to form such semi-permanent models of the world and its parts. I find it a matter for bitter regret that developers of these drugs, as well as those prescribing them in practice, have not taken sufficient care to determine adequately this effect they have. I find it very difficult to believe that anyone treated with these drugs will not suffer the debilitation I am speaking of. In practical terms the debilitation I have suffered of this nature over the years, given the unusual circumstances of the foisting on me of the drugs, has led to my not being employed in any capacity I would otherwise have been fit for and might have benefited from (as well as benefiting the economy). I regret the legal framework which permits such drugs to be compelled on people in disregard of their attempts to complain when they cannot understand (I myself have not until now) what the nature is of the debilitation they have to complain about. I regret any legal framework allowing people’s freedom to be taken from them without absolute need.
Wednesday 9 July 2008
09/07/08 05:53 [Wednesday]
On Tuesday 20 May 2008 I was delving quite deeply into the origin of the Experiment towards the end of my first term as a student at Cambridge University, that is around the month November 1974. It has been my belief occasionally in the past two or three months that some sort of official enquiry is going on into the way - the criminal way, if the truth be found out - I have been treated in the course of the Experiment. Something I overheard on a bus or train from a fellow traveller supported this view: she suggested (by my way of interpreting what she said) that I should go along with being spoken to hypnotically so that I could say things in evidence more to the point (because about then - perhaps two months back - I was rambling rather in my outspoken remarks on buses, under the influence of the drugs then successfully thrust on me). It might be, of course - presuming firstly that what I overheard was anything to do with my situation at all, and not merely an ‘idea of reference’ blown up by the effect then of drugs on my brain - that she was an agent of the Authorities intent simply on tricking me one way or another into allowing hypnotising voices to reach my ears at night without combating it at all. That would be for the purposes of the present-day Experimenters and not for my benefit in the least. (I must say my constant fear when I make remarks such as these which sensible people might read and take - as one would, at face value - to be delusional, is that the sensible people will have the truth withheld from them - even MPs, who many of them will take little particular interest in the unpopular question of mental health - and therefore I shall not be protecting myself, as is my intention in spreading the truth about what has gone on, from future mis-treatment on the pretend basis that I am mentally ill.)
So I might be led to imagine that the ideas in my mind on Tuesday 20 May 2008 were a result of nighttime voicing inviting me to remember and present (on my website) evidence from the past of the way I was mis-treated. On the whole - re-reading what I said that day and preceding days - my conclusion is that the reason the origin of the Experiment in the 1970s was in my mind was that I was just recovering from another bout of being drugged, that is drugged in a way reminding me of the past and drawing forth reflections on the past as the ability to think returned as the drugs wore off.
Presumably the reason is similar this morning, why I am trying to tidy up loose ends as regards evidence I have been putting together from the 1970s. In recent days I have suffered drugging with the antidopamine drugs which bring back the past, bring it back more forcefully as the effect of the drugs recedes in their aftermath. The upshot of this is that I have added images showing letters from my parents, for example one from February 1975 which I have added after the diary entry at 20/05/08 11:40.
You are also invited to read excerpts from my recent diary [now at colinbrough.co.uk]. Astute readers will observe the effect on my thinking and way of expressing myself as drugs affecting me up to the weekend have worn off.
On Tuesday 20 May 2008 I was delving quite deeply into the origin of the Experiment towards the end of my first term as a student at Cambridge University, that is around the month November 1974. It has been my belief occasionally in the past two or three months that some sort of official enquiry is going on into the way - the criminal way, if the truth be found out - I have been treated in the course of the Experiment. Something I overheard on a bus or train from a fellow traveller supported this view: she suggested (by my way of interpreting what she said) that I should go along with being spoken to hypnotically so that I could say things in evidence more to the point (because about then - perhaps two months back - I was rambling rather in my outspoken remarks on buses, under the influence of the drugs then successfully thrust on me). It might be, of course - presuming firstly that what I overheard was anything to do with my situation at all, and not merely an ‘idea of reference’ blown up by the effect then of drugs on my brain - that she was an agent of the Authorities intent simply on tricking me one way or another into allowing hypnotising voices to reach my ears at night without combating it at all. That would be for the purposes of the present-day Experimenters and not for my benefit in the least. (I must say my constant fear when I make remarks such as these which sensible people might read and take - as one would, at face value - to be delusional, is that the sensible people will have the truth withheld from them - even MPs, who many of them will take little particular interest in the unpopular question of mental health - and therefore I shall not be protecting myself, as is my intention in spreading the truth about what has gone on, from future mis-treatment on the pretend basis that I am mentally ill.)
So I might be led to imagine that the ideas in my mind on Tuesday 20 May 2008 were a result of nighttime voicing inviting me to remember and present (on my website) evidence from the past of the way I was mis-treated. On the whole - re-reading what I said that day and preceding days - my conclusion is that the reason the origin of the Experiment in the 1970s was in my mind was that I was just recovering from another bout of being drugged, that is drugged in a way reminding me of the past and drawing forth reflections on the past as the ability to think returned as the drugs wore off.
Presumably the reason is similar this morning, why I am trying to tidy up loose ends as regards evidence I have been putting together from the 1970s. In recent days I have suffered drugging with the antidopamine drugs which bring back the past, bring it back more forcefully as the effect of the drugs recedes in their aftermath. The upshot of this is that I have added images showing letters from my parents, for example one from February 1975 which I have added after the diary entry at 20/05/08 11:40.
You are also invited to read excerpts from my recent diary [now at colinbrough.co.uk]. Astute readers will observe the effect on my thinking and way of expressing myself as drugs affecting me up to the weekend have worn off.
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