Thursday, 17 July 2008

17/07/08 04:46 [Thursday]

A condition I might describe as over-excitement now as I get going regarding my business for the day is almost certainly due to stimulant drugs still in my metabolism from yesterday, rather than due to any substances in the cup of coffee I drank getting on for an hour ago.

17/07/08 05:13

It strikes me that in the note I have inserted into yesterday’s diary as Thursday 17/07/08 03:18 I was too extravagant in my suppositions (made so by stimulant drugs which in the past hour or two have worn off more). All there is pretty firm evidence of is the capability to interfere by wireless with USB-connected peripherals, and possibly only through the USB ports at the rear of the DIXONSXP tower unit. I still find this hypothesis slightly more convincing than that Dawn and I were taken advantage of by hypnosis on returning home yesterday evening and the preceding evening.

Because I feel fairly certain the drugs affecting me now were not introduced by such advantage-taking on our return home yesterday evening but were in the milk earlier, and possibly at the time it was bought from Morrisons Wellington (Shropshire), it may be that the drugs I was objecting to yesterday (Wednesday) early morning were also not introduced on our return home Tuesday night but rather were in drinks or food we bought that day. The most sensible choice of villain to point the finger at, given what has happened in the past and the fact that the railways are more or less once again under State control, is the enterprising Pumpkin railway station buffet chain.

Although Morrisons is far and away superior to the likes of Tesco, if we only shop at Morrisons then when we are on our way to some perhaps remote destination it can be presumed well in advance that we are going to do our shopping at the Morrisons there. Hence some randomisation giving favour to Sainsbury’s or Asda (or Waitrose, Iceland or Spar, or even Lidl or Heron, but not under any circumstances Tesco) will be desirable.

What I have against Tesco is that the day I had my appointment with solicitors Rose, Williams & Partners of 2 Waterloo Road Wolverhampton to try to get the facts of the abuse done to me over twenty-five years put before Solihull Magistrates, Tesco sold me food or drink containing antischizophrenic drugs to still me and reduce my acuity.

Spawn of Satan I now number three:

(1) Armond
(2) Those running drugs factories
(3) Tesco.

17/07/08 06:37

However ‘psychological theorists’ like to dress it up to increase their seeming value as experts, confidence is feeling sure what to do, that is it is absence of doubt. The best way to theorise of it is in the terms I use, of processing capacity set against the processing requirement. If you can think clearly (and quickly) enough to know what to do in a given situation - a more, or less, demanding situation, that is demanding of ‘decision-making’ and in a loose sense ‘stressful’ - you feel confident. If you are uncertain and there is delay while you hum and hah and try to make up your mind, then that is unconfidence. It has little to do with surface appearance.

In respect of the latter too, I find that if people can see you know what you’re about and understand the ins and outs of it, and particularly if you can use that knowledge and understanding to help them (which is easy if it costs you next to nothing in distraction from what you are doing anyway), then even if you look a complete buffoon they like it and give you a high approval rating.

I think there’s something in the coffee. It may be caffeine.

17/07/08 06:54

The again rather Socialist idea that ‘psychological theorists’ seem to have, that anyone can do anything, is (as I think I have said before) mistaken. Most people however much they practised and read and otherwise garnered advice could not play tennis to the standard of say John McEnroe. The reason is McEnroe had certain components in him (still does I suppose although somewhat altered by time) - that is components in the physical universe, comprising not only things like muscle fibre but more significantly neurons and synapses in the relevant parts of his CNS (and particularly, large numbers of synapses, eg serving the retina), which on average people do not have. Such is confidence: to have large numbers of synapses serving that in which one’s confidence is well-founded (rather than brash and specious, like that suggested frequently by ‘psychological theorists’).

I must say it is a good Capitalist notion, that each component has a different - a complementary - part to play in division-of-labour arrangements. Some neurons are better suited to responding to light while others do better at causing muscles to contract. Some of them though towards the front are very flexible and can do all sorts of things, switchably (not at the same time but in a multiplexing mode).

Caffeine is good stuff.

Thursday, 10 July 2008

10/07/08 04:33 [Thursday]

The structures of thought I am speaking of were maintained over a long period in the above cases and in similar cases, that is they were capable of being set aside for the purpose of leading a day-to-day life but were always ‘in the back’ of the mind and resumable in the more detailed form as occasion allowed. This was a prerequisite to sorting out such involved structures into the coherence (that is, having entire internal consistency within themselves) which made them acceptable on public presentation and indeed gives confidence they are ‘correct’ that is that, insofar as they are supposed to, they correspond with reality.

These structures of thought were embodied in neural structures in the brains of their creators of the type I have recently been mooting as depending on neural-loop style arrangements. This type of semi-permanent memory is used to set up internal models for such purposes as (in adolescence) answering examination questions and (in more practical life) maintaining an internal plan of one’s location as one moves about even in unknown territory. The arrangements which permit their maintenance depend on transmission across synapses of dopamine as I know because they are defeated in myself when I am given dopamine-blocking drugs. For example I completely lose my ability to maintain the internal plan of my geographical location at any time I am in less familiar territory.

Needless to say these neural structures are located in the frontal brain in man and come into use only from the time of adolescence. They are present in only a rudimentary form if at all in other animals (for example it is possible apes have them in rudimentary form). It seems to me that the functions called seriatim functions must correspond with those implemented using these structures of resumable semi-permanently remembered internally envisaged models of parts of the world (or as-if of parts of the world, in that the models can be used for abstract purposes such as in mathematics and chess when they are divorced from immediate connection with any structures in the physical universe, of tangible matter or time or space).

Experiments with rats trained in conventional mazes which were then converted to mazes of canals having to be swum convinced theoreticians who had previously hypothesised that learning a maze involved merely learning a sequence of muscular operations which got the animal from start to finish, that it was not so and that the rats in fact must have an internal model of spatial arrangements. Needless to say rats achieve this without a seriatim process.

An adult human being could learn a maze - walked or swum - much faster, the reason being he could set up an internal model ‘by an effort of will’, a model which (consisting of the type of neural structure spoken of above) could be discarded afterwards if no longer needed. Giving dopamine-blocking drugs would interfere with this ability, reducing the human to needing like the rat to practise sufficiently often over a sufficient period, to embody the knowledge of the maze in synapses which had permanently adapted to form a model of that specific maze.

Needless to say I strive my best to evade being given dopamine-blocking drugs because I dislike in the extreme having the ability taken from me to form such semi-permanent models of the world and its parts. I find it a matter for bitter regret that developers of these drugs, as well as those prescribing them in practice, have not taken sufficient care to determine adequately this effect they have. I find it very difficult to believe that anyone treated with these drugs will not suffer the debilitation I am speaking of. In practical terms the debilitation I have suffered of this nature over the years, given the unusual circumstances of the foisting on me of the drugs, has led to my not being employed in any capacity I would otherwise have been fit for and might have benefited from (as well as benefiting the economy). I regret the legal framework which permits such drugs to be compelled on people in disregard of their attempts to complain when they cannot understand (I myself have not until now) what the nature is of the debilitation they have to complain about. I regret any legal framework allowing people’s freedom to be taken from them without absolute need.

Wednesday, 9 July 2008

09/07/08 05:53 [Wednesday]

On Tuesday 20 May 2008 I was delving quite deeply into the origin of the Experiment towards the end of my first term as a student at Cambridge University, that is around the month November 1974. It has been my belief occasionally in the past two or three months that some sort of official enquiry is going on into the way - the criminal way, if the truth be found out - I have been treated in the course of the Experiment. Something I overheard on a bus or train from a fellow traveller supported this view: she suggested (by my way of interpreting what she said) that I should go along with being spoken to hypnotically so that I could say things in evidence more to the point (because about then - perhaps two months back - I was rambling rather in my outspoken remarks on buses, under the influence of the drugs then successfully thrust on me). It might be, of course - presuming firstly that what I overheard was anything to do with my situation at all, and not merely an ‘idea of reference’ blown up by the effect then of drugs on my brain - that she was an agent of the Authorities intent simply on tricking me one way or another into allowing hypnotising voices to reach my ears at night without combating it at all. That would be for the purposes of the present-day Experimenters and not for my benefit in the least. (I must say my constant fear when I make remarks such as these which sensible people might read and take - as one would, at face value - to be delusional, is that the sensible people will have the truth withheld from them - even MPs, who many of them will take little particular interest in the unpopular question of mental health - and therefore I shall not be protecting myself, as is my intention in spreading the truth about what has gone on, from future mis-treatment on the pretend basis that I am mentally ill.)

So I might be led to imagine that the ideas in my mind on Tuesday 20 May 2008 were a result of nighttime voicing inviting me to remember and present (on my website) evidence from the past of the way I was mis-treated. On the whole - re-reading what I said that day and preceding days - my conclusion is that the reason the origin of the Experiment in the 1970s was in my mind was that I was just recovering from another bout of being drugged, that is drugged in a way reminding me of the past and drawing forth reflections on the past as the ability to think returned as the drugs wore off.

Presumably the reason is similar this morning, why I am trying to tidy up loose ends as regards evidence I have been putting together from the 1970s. In recent days I have suffered drugging with the antidopamine drugs which bring back the past, bring it back more forcefully as the effect of the drugs recedes in their aftermath. The upshot of this is that I have added images showing letters from my parents, for example one from February 1975 which I have added after the diary entry at 20/05/08 11:40.

You are also invited to read excerpts from my recent diary [now at colinbrough.co.uk]. Astute readers will observe the effect on my thinking and way of expressing myself as drugs affecting me up to the weekend have worn off.

Saturday, 28 June 2008

Wilson, Callaghan and Adolf Hitler

28/06/08 07:09 [Saturday]
Thursday and yesterday we went to London by Virgin trains on the route from Birmingham New Street I would without exception have used in my younger days (before I was ever drugged, or in the later 1970s when for perhaps two years, when I was living on my own in my own house, I avoided being drugged) instead of the Chiltern route promoted recently by the Authorities (this latter being cheaper but much slower). By ‘the Authorities’ in this case I mean those who determine what is said to me in nighttime hypnosis (or ‘advisory’ voicing related to hypnosis), and the reason we chose the better route (better given our circumstances, as it was better for me on my own in the 1970s and indeed as it must be better for almost any traveller, the Chiltern route being suitable really only for people travelling only part of the distance and not all the way from Birmingham to London) was that living in our own bungalow in Kingswinford it is extremely difficult for them to offer us this unwanted ‘nighttime advice’. The reasons things have not gone so well for us recently (for example causing us to waste money travelling twice to London when if we needed to go at all we needed to go only once; but because I was drugged quite severely during Thursday’s run I lost my focus this necessitating Friday’s repeat, and except that the drugging I suffered yesterday - Friday - was so little we might have needed to go again today) stem from the ‘nighttime advice’ I suffered when we slept away from home on recent occasions, at the Innkeepers Lodge Bessacarr and in a caravan in Skegness.
Things have been done in the past by ‘the Experiment’ which ordinarily would be illegal, and may have been illegal, although possibly legitimised retrospectively. To supply me fake websites which I have trusted as though they were genuine Microsoft websites I would expect to be illegal; and certainly Microsoft would have grounds for a civil action in that their name has been besmirched. Microsoft take a lot of trouble to ensure their software works with minimum flaws, and in doing this they are investing in Goodwill, that is people will trust Microsoft software (including extras supplied through genuine Microsoft websites) above other software on the basis of statistics which become widely known, that is the low statistics of failure of Microsoft software. In going to London to an address listed in a directory in Stourbridge library as an address for Microsoft (and also listed thus on 192.com via our Virgin Media internet connection) I was trying to ensure Microsoft are aware that false copies of their websites are supplied (as well as false copies of Microsoft discs - eg XP install CDs I have bought) in the hope this would stem the activities of ‘the Authorities’ and even bring The Experiment to an end. While what I suffer mainly from The Experiment is the drugging, nonetheless to have a true and proper internet connection, supplying true and proper and therefore trustworthy Microsoft sites, would be a boon.
Sometimes I fear that the object in drugging me - there is no indication those drugging me understand that it is what I would call criminal to do so, and certainly immoral (but that the dosages are now much lower - this however may be due more to my better practised techniques of evasion than from any new understanding of ethics the druggists may have come to) - is to still me, that is to deter me from publicising the abuses - as I say, on the face of it illegal and certainly criminal to use a word I think very appropriate - imposed in the past. A few weeks back I was thinking along these lines but putting the blame for the presumed intention to silence me regarding past abuse on ‘friends of Armond’. Now I think Armond was only a cog in a machine, and it is more or less the British Government - certainly the current Socialist Government kin to that of the 1970s who authorised ‘the Experiment’ in the first place - who are looking for such a way out. Apparently it is felt unacceptable to compel me in the way I was compelled in the past, and my fear is that recent scenarios engineered by The Experiment are hoped to produce behaviour from me - drugged but only mildly drugged. so that I can be said to be responsible for my choices - which will lead me one way or another into mental treatment possibly including hospitalisation and certainly including drugging which stills me.
With a mind this morning clear of the distortion of ‘nighttime advice’ I can see that it would be well to use this busy shopping day of Saturday to shop for a quantity of undrugged food. I can do this by selecting a store to shop at, randomly from a list, even without using a computer (now I have printed out the lists used by my computer prog to randomly choose a store).
28/06/08 09:18
Looking at the letters I have sent recently (looking at the Royal Mail website in fact - as presented via our untrustworthy Virgin Media internet connection - to see what it purports has happened to the deliveries), I can classify them into categories. Several of the letters have been sent as a consequence of drugging I suffered, to try to deter future drugging either by direct entreaty (eg to Whitbread as responsible for the PremierInn Wakefield City North) or by hoping to cause trouble and expense (eg to BT and to Royal Mail Customer Services the latter in respect of the jar of Robertson’s marmalade I returned for refund but which was lost - even though Premier Brands Foods Limited sent me £3.50 as though in recompense). Letters to Nominet and to 123-reg were motivated by distortions I have suffered in my internet connection (blameable almost certainly on Virgin Media in fact). Evidence that the letters to 123-reg do not reach their proper destination leads me to suppose that someone (‘the Authorities’) without the consent (or collusion) of 123-reg have been trying to get me to sign up with a hosting service more to their preference (such as Heart Internet, corrupted through and through to the ends of The Experiment, and owing me money which they show no morals in respect of at all). I can perhaps expect support therefore from 123-reg as someone (‘the Authorities’) has been trying to do them out of business (and similarly Microsoft, as explained above).
I don’t think Robertson’s gave their consent either, to the contamination of their products with drugs. Again, this assessment is based on failure to deliver my several attempted letters to them to the proper destination. I therefore anticipate support from Ranks Hovis McDougall (ultimate holding company for James Robertson & Sons Limited).
Rowse Honey I feel must be a small company easily leant on by the Government-backed ‘Authorities’, and going along with the consequences of the contamination of their products although probably initially not consulted.
28/06/08 09:38
Looking up a quotation I thought I half-remembered about a big lie being more easily perpetrated than a small lie, I find it comes not from an ordinary sort of Socialist but from Adolf Hitler: The broad mass of a nation ... will more easily fall victim to a big lie than to a small one. In other words if the State can get all sorts of falsifications put out by the Royal Mail, and through big companies like Virgin Media, and especially organisations conveying or purveying information, the man in the street may easily fall for it. A relic of the Wilson and Callaghan days of the 1970s indeed.